Formerly Empty Spaces

I want to undo all of the feelings felt

The words spoken

Into the dark of night

No one may have heard them except me 

But it was enough. 

Just knowing that they exist, that they hang in the air

Heavy when I walk into the room, suffocating in the night

They consume me, take over my mind when I try to find solace

Rest is an impossible dream

All I want to do is banish them somewhere far away

Where I can no longer hear them

See them

Feel them 

looming over me, imposing. 

Just far enough away that I can start to forget

Start to start over again. 

Fresh. 

• Just a little note here. I deleted the journal and ranting posts I had in here before, and this is now going to be a writing tumblr. All original pieces, short stories and poems and lyrics. Hope you enjoy, and spread the word! I’d love more followers! <3 <3 

• A simple call and response. An established pattern. Repetition. Finding comfort in the familiar. We’re drawn to these things, we let them define ourselves and our relationships both to and with others. But what happens when the familiar leaves you? When the chorus stops coming back and you’ve lost that comforting constant. No longer grounded its just new verse after new verse, melodies changing, chords progressing, before you know it you don’t even recognize what this has become. You can’t remember what it once was. You’re a stranger to it. To yourself. 

And a look forward… 

• To happy days, not so far away. To glowing smiles and shining lights. Nights you wish would never end. The warmth of a hug, the comfort of a home cooked meal. A sympathetic, maybe even empathetic, ear. The laughter of friends, being soaked to the bone after running through the rain, and a smile that could make somebody’s day. Lives coming together like the notes in a perfect chord. Wishes for a summer that will make it all worth while. One last hurrah, three final months to bask in the bliss of adolescence, before another year of school. Before having to enter the real world. To happy days not so far away. <3 

These are the words that get caught in my throat. The ones never vocalized because they choke themselves before I get a chance to free them. Vocal suicide. Or maybe it is more of a self-sacrifice, knowing that if I were to let them out, to put them into the wild, they would not be tame enough to live in peace. The would create a chaos, hurting innocent things and damaging surroundings because they do not know better. They know that sometimes things are better left unsaid, and so they stop before they can ever take form. 

These are the words I think to myself every single day of my life. Some of them I think about every waking minute. Every second would be an exaggeration for all, but every minute is only an exaggeration for most. Some of them are happy words, locked away out of humbleness and humility. Others are not-so-happy, hiding due to fear. 

I cannot even bring myself to type them at times. Fingers hover over the letters, knowing what they want to spell but unable to press down hard enough to make the connection, to make the impact. They pause, they consider, but they always stop. Just in case you are reading this. Because these words are meant for you, and that is exactly why I cannot write them. 

I wrote this little blurb last night and shared it with some strangers on the internet. They thought I should get a a Tumblr. I’ve never had one before, and I’m usually pretty secretive about my writing, but I figured hey, why not? Maybe it’s terrible, or maybe it’s alright. Maybe it won’t be a complete waste of other people’s time to glance through. I’d love feedback of any kind, positive or negative, just try not to bash it, please? A little tact goes a long way. :D But constructive criticism is more than welcomed! 

So many words that fill the formerly empty spaces on those perfectly lined pages. So many thoughts you didn’t realize that you had until you put the pen down on the pad. Let the ink bleed through, little bits of you, finally showing through.

So there is was. The namesake of this Tumblr page, Formerly Empty Spaces. I hope to fill many more empty spaces in the future, and I hope you enjoy!